kyaaa: Sakuya, Hatoful Boyfriend (kirakira)
some loser ([personal profile] kyaaa) wrote2013-07-04 01:07 am

Hatoful Boyfriend drama CD vol. 3 (Hatomame Sweet Blend) track 1

I'M SORRY THIS IS LATE, I was busy/distracted with other things... I also know there are some weak spots in this translation (like when Tohri is describing his machine's technical specs - I don't know machines in English, let alone Japanese) but!!

Also, um. Content warning for racism...? It's pigeon racism but it's also very blatant soooo


TOHRI: All right, the pages for the readers' presents are okay. We'll also get ready to pack the large-scale items afterwards. The rest of you hurry up too!
EDITOR: Chief, what should we do with these beans?
TOHRI: What? That's a hefty package. It looks like that's too many to include as a freebie...
EDITOR: It's for Legumentine's, Chief. Tomorrow is Legumentine's.
TOHRI: L... Legumentine's?!
EDITOR: These are just some flukes that arrived early, so we'll get more the day of. Do you not even know about Legumentine's, Chief?
TOHRI: Nnnooooo, I know that much. But, why exactly are there so many of them? Hah! Could it be that I, the Editor-in-Chief, was so beautiful and magnificent that I became the subject of our readers' admirations--?!
EDITOR: What are you on about? They're addressed to Golden Weekly characters.
TOHRI: Wh... What?! Presents for fictional characters?! Ridiculous! And yet even somebirdie like me hasn't gotten any beans for Legumentine's... Ah, no... All of the readers are giving us their love so earnestly! As the Editor-in-Chief, shouldn't I be glad for that? No no, but...
EDITOR: Chief... Chiiiief...
TOHRI: It's still unfair!! To think that the world would celebrate Legumentine's while disregarding me! --That's right, hmhm. Ehehehehe! I have an idea. I'll be stepping out for a bit! I'll leave the rest to you. Ahahaha! Wahahahaha!
EDITOR: Wh--Please wait, Chief! We're busy right now, so leave your personal affairs for after... Geez... He's gone. Well, somehow or another, that bird always has his work in on time, so I guess it's okay.

RYOUTA: Legumentine's is an event that takes place annually on February 4th, where one gifts beans to an emotionally significant bird. Specific to bird culture, it was established in recent history. It originated from the religious holiday of Setsubun, or Valentine's Day, created during the time when humanity flourished. Originally, it is thought to have been a violent ritual where humans hit doves with beans, chanting "Luck in! Doves out!"
OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooooooo!! (Where did those lines come from all of a sudden, Ryoutaaa? Some thoughtful narration explaining terms that aren't familiar to all the listeners at home?)
RYOUTA: No, Sakuya asked what it meant, so I got out a dictionary. But I'm sure everybirdie learned something today!
SAKUYA: Oi, both of you stop speaking in the wrong direction! ...Then, you are saying that this "Legumentine's" that is so popular in Japan is originally an artifact of Christian culture?
RYOUTA: Looks like it. Or at least half of it.
SAKUYA: Is everybirdie who celebrates Legumentine's a Christian?
RYOUTA: Mmm... I'd say most aren't?
SAKUYA: First Halloween, then Christmas, and now... You Japanese honestly have no integrity. Lionizing religious events without even believing in them--do you feel no shame in doing so?
OKOSAN: Coo coooooooo! (That's one thing, and this is another.)
RYOUTA: Mmhmm, like that.
SAKUYA: I give up. In summary, it's a Legumentine's business. Or, more candidly, certain groups slip into the confusion of the event to hike prices on beans and manipulate ignorant commoners. A completely pitiful story.
RYOUTA: That doesn't mean it's automatically inexcusable, Sakuya! We also get excited and have fun and enjoy ourselves, so couldn't you say it's a win-win relationship?
OKOSAN: Coo cooooo! (So it is! Legumentine's is a glorious day.)
RYOUTA: Even you get excited if you think that somebirdie you like might give you a present, don't you, Sakuya?
SAKUYA: Wh--! Th... That's not true! Don't lump me in with the likes of you! ...If I spend much longer speaking to you, I'll be seen as an idiot! I am leaving!
RYOUTA: Aahh, wait, Sakuya!
RYOUTA: I think I'm going to go buy some Legumentine's beans after this. It's just a quick errand before work, but do you want to come with? A lot of stores have Legumentine's--
SAKUYA: I refuse.
RYOUTA: Would you at least let me finish...?
SAKUYA: I have a mountain of obligations already as heir to the Le Bel family. Today I am scheduled to do inspections within the city and some business negotiations. I don't have the time to spare to accompany you!
RYOUTA: Mmm, that's too bad. The nobility sure is busy. What about San?
OKOSAN: Cooooo! (Count me in, naturally!)
RYOUTA: You've got a weakness for beans, huh, San! What kind of beans do you like? If there's a store you'd recommend, then I want to know!
OKOSAN: Coo coo coooooo! (The best beans are found at the High Society Seagull Department Store. So says Okosan, King of the Food Court, so there is no doubt.)
RYOUTA: High Society Seagull Department Store... That elegant one! It has a pretty gorgeous atmosphere, but I haven't ever gone inside. All right, it's time for takeoff!

RYOUTA: Uwaaaah. Now that I can actually see inside, it really is an elegant store!
OKOSAN: Coo coo! (A distinguished history.)
RYOUTA: Can high school students like us come in here? It kind of feels like, "ah, indeed, no poor people permitted."
OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooo! (Okosan is a repeat customer, so they cannot possibly have a problem with Ryouta.)
CLERK: There is a problem.
OKOSAN: Coooo!! (Who dares?!)
RYOUTA: M... Mr. Seagull Clerk? Um, we're not doing anything suspicious--?
CLERK: Are you aware of the nature of this establishment?
RYOUTA: Eh? ...Um. It's the High Society Seagull Department Store, right?
CLERK: That is correct. The High Society Seagull Department Store. Repeat!
RYOUTA: Wha... High Society Seagull Department Store.
CLERK: Do you understand? This is high society's department store borne from the highest of high society.
RYOUTA: So... "high schoolers stay out", basically?
OKOSAN: Coo coo! (That would be an oddity! Okosan has never been refused passage!)
CLERK: That particular customer is a fantail as pure-white as any seagull. You are different. One can tell at a glance that a rock dove like you is not high society, so I must refuse you entrance!
RYOUTA: That's discrimination! That's super-speciesist!!
OKOSAN: Coo coo! (Okosan does not endorse discrimination! Okosan shall lodge a violent complaaaaint!!)
RYOUTA: Wai--You can't, San! Complaining is fine but violence is bad! You'll be banned from the store!
OKOSAN: Coooooo! (Hah, ah, that is a pickle. Okosan's life as a food court connoisseur would be placed into peril!)
CLERK: If that is how you feel, then that shabby rock dove may leave us now.

GIRL: What a downer. I heard the beans here were the best, too.
BOY: It can't be helped. Should we compromise with somewhere else?
RYOUTA: Hmm, what's going on? It seems kind of noisy.
OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooo! (How strange. Everybirdie has fallen into depression.)
CLERK: Nn... What is this; what has happened? ...Eh... The bottom floor? ...Understood. I'll make my way there.
RYOUTA: Weren't the beans on the bottom floor?
OKOSAN: Coo cooooo! (Team Okosan shall infilitrate by slipping into the confusion.)
RYOUTA: Mm. Let's go see!

RYOUTA: This is... Sold out sold out sold out sold out, there's nothing but "sold out" signs all over!
OKOSAN: Coo coo! (This is serious! A Legumentine's fair with no legumes?!)
TOHRI: That... that... oh and that too, I'll buy all of it. Just gather up everything from left to right, please!
RYOUTA: Hah, that absurdly flashy colorful bird... What are you doing, Nishikikouji-san?!
OKOSAN: Coo coo coo! (Cornering the market! Monopolies are bad!)
TOHRI: Aaah! You're St. Pigeonation's Academy's... Heheh. Did you come to buy some Legumentine's beans? Too bad. As you can see, all the most popular items have come under the control of yours truly, Nishikikouji Tohri!
RYOUTA: Why are you being so selfish?! Are you just planning on giving yourself a present because you're unpopular?
TOHRI: U... Unpopular?!
RYOUTA: Bullseye, huh?!
TOHRI: Whghh--! Excuse you. Do you really believe I would behave so crudely?
OKOSAN: Coo cooooo! (Then just what are you up to?)
TOHRI: I simply wanted to get in the way of everybirdie celebrating Legumentine's!
RYOUTA: That's plenty crude!
TOHRI: Birds celebrating their love arrive at the best bean sellers in town, and fall into despair as they see the "sold out" signs. Spectacular! What an artistic tragedy, ohohahahaha!
OKOSAN: Cooo! (Despicable low-life! Sleazebag!)
RYOUTA: That's right! Using money as a weapon is just dirty!
TOHRI: Haha! It's fine, isn't it? This is perfectly legal; I'm not violating any rules. Rather, I'm doing this department store a greaaaat service by increasing profits! I hope they'll be thanking me for all I've done.
RYOUTA: Aah, it's too cruel to ruin an event that everybirdie's been looking forward to!
TOHRI: Aaaaand now! Where shall I head next? The other stores hosting Legumentine's fairs aaaaare... Ahahaha, even this much makes it hard to carry the beanbag!
RYOUTA: Wait! Nishikikouji-san, please listen to me!
TOHRI: Whaaaat? By all means, oh, by all means! Are you going to get on your knees and beg for me to share some of the beans with you?
TOHRI: Nngh!
RYOUTA: Nishikikouji-san, you're just averting your eyes from reality! When you see everybirdie else getting pampered, you want to be pampered too. I understand that feeling. But, that's why even if you make other birds unhappy, it won't make you happy, Nishikikouji-san! Instead, you'll just drive everybirdie away, and you'll end up all alone!
TOHRI: He, heh, an artist leads a life of solitude by nature. Sorry, but I'm not one for such liaisons.
RYOUTA: But Nishikikouji-san, you're doing this because you want somebirdie to care about you, aren't you?
TOHRI: Tha... Th-Th-That could not possibly be true!
RYOUTA: Legumentine's is a special day where everybirdie holds their emotions in their hearts and treats others kindly. Nobirdie has the right to destroy that! Nishikikouji-san, you must have one too! Somebirdie who treats you kindly!
TOHRI: Somebirdie... who treats me... kindly...
RYOUTA: You might just not notice, but I know there must be somebirdie. Please don't get an inferiority complex just because you're unpopular!
OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooo! (Live well and wear your unpopularity with pride.)
TOHRI: Wh--! "Unpopular, unpopular," just be quiet already! I didn't imagine I'd be made to look like such a foooool... It's tooooo late for teary apologies! I'll thoroughly... thoroughly crush Legumentine's Day!
RYOUTA: Ah, that's...
OKOSAN: Coo coo coo. (Something intimidating has appeared.)
TOHRI: I didn't really want to unveil it in a place like this, but... Now! Feel fear and awe! Nishikikouji Masterpiece #810! Rotary bean cannon, Gatling Flare Beans! Things are going to get rough!!
RYOUTA: Ah, could he actually be trying to use those beans as bullets?!
TOHRI: You ought to repent for insulting me! I'll wreck the whole sales floor!
RYOUTA: Uwaaaaahhhhhh! He really isn't holding back! Take cover, San!
OKOSAN: Coo coooo!
TOHRI: Ahahahaha! It's useless! My art tears through any obstacle like paper! Internal support system, central exhaust pipe, evenly distributed weight--eating these might be good for you, but getting hit is gonna hurt!
RYOUTA: Eugh, there's nowhere to run... What should we do?
OKOSAN: Coo! (Okosan has gathered his resolve.)
OKOSAN: Coo coo coo! (Ryouta, Okosan will never forget the wonderful days spent with all of you. Farewell...!)
RYOUTA: No, San, you can't go out there! Our adventures are still just beginning!
OKOSAN: Coo coo coo!
TOHRI: Hehhhhh. Standing up to my bean cannon... You've got guts. However, that recklessness will send you to an early grave!
OKOSAN: Coo coo coo! (Okosan cannot forgive anybirdie who would waste beans. Nom! Nom! Nom!)
RYOUTA: San's... eating the bullets faster than the eye can see?
TOHRI: Wh--! Weeeeell then... How's this?! Power to maximum!!
OKOSAN: Nomomomomom!
RYOUTA: Amazing! San's speed wins out! And he keeps getting faster...!
OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooo! (Okosan is bursting with bean energy!)
TOHRI: That's... That should be faster than any bird's eyes can process!
RYOUTA: That's it... The beans that Nishikikouji-san made into bullets aren't just any beans! They're high-class beans from a high society food court! Which means that they were all selected with high nutritional value in mind, making them the ideal bird food!
OKOSAN: Coo! (Okosan is invincible when swelling with such luxury.)
TOHRI: There's no way... My art... surpassed by one mere fantail?! Stay away! Stay away!!
OKOSAN: Coo coo coo! (Muscular Okosan Dynamic!)
TOHRI: Uwaaaaaaaaaaaah!

RYOUTA: Amazing! That was amazing, San! Flawless victory!
OKOSAN: Hmhmhmph! Coo! (Praise me further.)
RYOUTA: Aaaaaaah... but the Legumentine's beans everybirdie worked hard for ended up like this... I wonder if it'll be okay to just pick them up and eat them.
OKOSAN: Coo cooooo! (The Ghosts of Wastefulness might come.) Nom! Nom!
TOHRI: Not yet... Not... yet! ...I... hah!... Do you think I'd give up with just this?
RYOUTA: Oh, Nishikikouji-san's still here.
TOHRI: You're forgetting an important point. Legumentine's isn't until tomorrow. I, the bird standing before you, shall buy up aaaaaaaaall of tomorrow's goods. You can't stop me! I'm a paying customer, after all.
RYOUTA: You must be delusional to call yourself a "customer" after all this!!
TOHRI: Heh! You can't do anything. Why? Because you don't have the budget necessary for this department store! Or do you two want to try buying the beans before I can? How many can you get?
OKOSAN: Coo coo cooooo! (Unfair! Mass purchasing is unfair!)
RYOUTA: Nishikikouji-san... Even if you do this, you'll just feel empty inside...
TOHRI: You there, clerk! Can you give me an advance order for the beans to be sold tomorrow? Aaahhhh, don't worry about the cost. I don't care how much it is. Just put it on this card.

SAKUYA: Stop right there!
TOHRI: Nuwah?!
OKOSAN: Coooo?!
RYOUTA: Sakuya? Why are you here?
TOHRI: What are you... Could you not interrupt my shopping?
SAKUYA: Hmph. I cannot believe you do not know my name. Have you never laid eyes upon this crest?!
TOHRI: Th... That's... The symbol of the noble Le Bel family!
SAKUYA: On this day, at 6:24 PM, the Le Bel family purchased the High Society Seagull Department Store!
RYOUTA: Ehhhhhhhhh?!
SAKUYA: Having become the new company president at this time, I established a purchase limit of three items per bird per distinct item. Therefore, your advance order is invalid!
RYOUTA: Could it be that the negotiations you said you had planned for after school were...?
SAKUYA: Yes. Though I didn't think I would be bumping heads with you all in the process. You understand now, don't you, Nishikikouji Tohri! I am the rule!
TOHRI: Keh. How immature!
RYOUTA: Please don't throw stones, Nishikikouji-san!
TOHRI: Ugh... Withdrawing now would only tarnish my name!
RYOUTA: Please... Please stop. Nishikikouji-san, your name is already meaningless! If you keep quarreling with people like this, it will only hurt you!
TOHRI: How could you understand how I feel--
RYOUTA: Nishikikouji-san! Please accept these. These beans... and my feelings!
TOHRI: Th... These are... Legumentine's beans...? My very first... No. No no no wait! Didn't you just pick these beans up off the floor?!
RYOUTA: That's right. But they don't taste any different!
OKOSAN: Nom! Nooom! (Beans are delishous!)
TOHRI: And when you talk about your feelings, you realize we aren't even friends, right?!
RYOUTA: That's right! But I thought it would be nice if you could be even a little bit happy, Nishikikouji-san!
TOHRI: Aaaah, enough! I don't want to get carried away by the atmosphere. ...Ah, but, though I'm loath to admit it, I'll accept these beans in exchange for pulling back today. I definitely... definitely wasn't moved by your show of affection though!!
RYOUTA: Don't do this agaaaain! ...That aside, why did you save us, Sakuya? And after you said all those things about Legumentine's.
SAKUYA: Don't let it get to your head. I did it to protect my territory. ...But I suppose that's right. The all-too-convenient Legumentine's business in Japan is absolutely worthless. It's tolerable among students, but I am already fed up with a state of affairs that would permit even those well into adulthood to become so frantic over it.
RYOUTA: I think Nishikikouji-san is a special case though.
SAKUYA: Nevertheless, I won't deny your earnest devotion. I was shown a portion of the security footage, and your desperate persuasion was of great interest. I'll observe the value this piece of culture holds for Japan for a while longer.
RYOUTA: Sakuya... You really are surprisingly flexible sometimes, Sakuya. If somebirdie like you became Prime Minister, the world might be a little better.
SAKUYA: Hmhm! Naturally! This is what they call the caliber of a king. Now--oi, over there, you clerk!
CLERK: How may I be of service?
SAKUYA: I'm amending our business plan to focus on expansion. We shall aim for the enlargement of our customer base. From now on, we shall allow customers regardless of their species.
CLERK: I have my reservations, but if the president so desires.
SAKUYA: Rock doves certainly differ from us fantails and seagulls, with their plain and filthy appearances. They seem nearly like a clump of dust.
RYOUTA: Sakuya that is extremely offensive.
SAKUYA: However, an outdated clientele will not be able to sustain itself!
OKOSAN: Coo coo! (How coooool, Sakuya!)
RYOUTA: Somehow I get the feeling that you just slipped some slurs in there but... Heh, at any rate, now I won't have to worry about being turned away at the door! Thanks, Sakuya! Here, this is an expression of my gratitude. Take it!
SAKUYA: Would you stop trying to give people beans you picked up off the floor?!

TOHRI: I'm back! ...But, it looks like everybirdie else went home. Haaah... I'll have to put these revisions together.
RYOUTA: Nishikikouji-san, you must have one too! Somebirdie who treats you kindly!
TOHRI: Hmph. I don't have anybirdie like that anyway. Oh... Who left their bag on my desk? I told them not to leave all their clutter behind. Oh well--hm? ...Is this a card...?
EDITOR: Dear Chief, Thanks for everything as always. You seemed a little too down on yourself, so everybirdie pooled their money and bought some Legumentine's beans. Please eat them and feel better. We're always cheering you on, Chief. -Golden Weekly Editorial Department.
TOHRI: ...Nn... Hah... There was something precious this close to me all along, wasn't there...?

1. Setsubun - Ryouta's explanation seems to be some revisionist history. For one thing, the chant is traditionally "Demons out! Luck in!" It's also unrelated to Valentine's, as you probably know. Wikipedia!
2. Ghosts of Wastefulness - this is apparently an old Japanese PSA, trying to get children not to waste their food, that has entered the popular lexicon. This is a pretty good description, with YouTube link included!
3. mass purchasing - Okosan is actually using the word 大人買い or otonagai, lit. "adult purchasing", referring to adults buying up unnecessary quantities of things that are normally meant for younger people (who don't have the money to do the same).
4. The symbol of the noble Le Bel family! - Sakuya presenting his family crest in order to cow Tohri into submission is a reference to the classic Japanese TV show Mito Koumon. This link describes the signature scene.

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